


am i crazy or falling in love?

by rxginamills



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Monica Geller, Lesbian Rachel Green, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sorry for rambling in the tags, and the point of this mini multi chapter fic thing is their friends' reactions, and then their happy ending, because i know it's too fast but i have approximately 0 patience, i feel so bad for stuffing all of this getting together stuff into the first chapter, multi-chapter fics are really hard for me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-20 14:20:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17624021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxginamills/pseuds/rxginamills
Summary: "I still don't feel attracted to him. I never understood why."Monica paused unsurely."But now I do."Or: Rachel and Monica realize that the love they've been looking for has always been right there.





	1. the one where rachel and monica are just… confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David Archuleta’s ”Crush” is highkey my inspiration for this fic and I always listen to it when I’m writing this. Hehe.

"Maybe I should stay away from all men." 

Something began changing in Rachel when she said that. In the moment she wasn't even sure what it was, but she knew that things would not go back to the way they were. Ross left the coffee house. Monica and Chandler stared at her for a bit before continuing to chat about the most ordinary things, but Rachel was struggling to speak. She glanced at Monica, who gave her a puzzled look.

"Honey, are you okay?" she asked. Chandler turned to look at her too. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Rachel answered and swallowed heavily, unsure if what she was saying was true. She folded up the newspaper and set it down on the coffee table before exiting the café. She took a deep breath and then headed for work, burying whatever strange feelings she experienced under work mode. 

 

* * *

 

Monica found Rachel sitting on the couch in the middle of the night later that week. She was covered with a big, warm blanket. Monica couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, so she approached her best friend and sat down next to her. 

"You okay, Rach?" she asked quietly. Rachel nodded.

"Yeah, um… Mon, I don't think I'm gonna go out with Tommy anymore." 

Monica frowned, "Why not? Is it because of what Ross said?"

"No, it's not that," Rachel explained, "I just feel kinda weird and something's telling me that seeing him won't make me feel better. It doesn't feel right."

"Hey," Monica took Rachel's hand, "Remember that I'm always here for you if you need anything. I love you."

Rachel smiled, "I love you too. Thanks Monica."

Monica kissed the side of Rachel's head, "No problem. I'm gonna go back to my room now. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night."

Rachel watched Monica go until the door of her bedroom was completely shut. She laid on the couch under her blanket, drifting to a peaceful sleep. 

 

* * *

 

Rachel was true to her word: she never saw Tommy again. In fact, she didn't go out with any guys, which greatly confused her friends. Rachel surely had the most active dating life out of all of them (Joey had had plenty to say about this statement but they came to a conclusion that Joey's one night stands didn't count as active dating). 

While Rachel was behaving uncharacteristically for her nature, Monica was trying to fend off a guy called Pete who had a desperate crush on her. Something inside Rachel twisted and turned whenever Monica mentioned his name even if she didn’t return his affections.

Rachel was starting to confuse herself. Pete was handsome, polite and a millionaire. Under normal circumstances Rachel would’ve thrown herself at him or given Monica a generous shove, but now instead of shoving she felt like wrapping herself around her best friend like a protective shield. 

One day at the coffee shop Monica was returning from an afternoon spent with Pete. Rachel looked at her curiously as she sighed. 

”What is the matter with me?” she exclaimed, ”Pete is kind, he’s sweet, god, he’s _gorgeous_ , but I’m just not attracted to him!” 

”Well, do you have any idea why that is?”  Rachel asked, ”I mean - maybe you’re looking for love in the wrong places.”

Monica folded her hands on her lap, ”Hmm, yeah, that could be it. What about you, though? You haven’t been out with a guy for a solid month. Any thoughts on where your person might be?” 

Rachel laughed, ”Oh, no! I - I still feel weird about dating.” 

”C’mon Rach, you just need to get back in the game!” said Joey, ”Hey, how about that guy over there?”

Joey pointed at a tall, brown-haired man sitting at the back of the café. Rachel shrugged, ”I don’t know, I - ”

”Ooh, or that blonde dude who just came in! He looks yummy!” Phoebe squealed as a blonde man stepped inside, clothed in a classy grey coat. Rachel rolled her eyes.

”Nah, I’m not sure - ”

”I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” Monica bounced on her feet, ”There’s this great guy at the restaurant, you’d _love_ him - ”

Having had enough of her friends pestering her, Rachel stood up rather quickly and more aggressively than she meant to, ”That’s _enough_! I appreciate what you’re doing but I don’t need or want you to hook me up with every guy you see! Now I don’t know what’s going on with me but I do know that there is not a single man who can fix it!” 

The group sat there in silence, looking dumbfoundedly at Rachel. None of them properly realized what their friend had just said or what she meant by it. Even Rachel had a hard time comprehending her sudden outburst. 

”So...” Monica began, ”A woman could?”

Rachel’s heart skipped a beat. She felt lightheaded. Monica’s face became blurry to her. 

”I - I - I - I don’t know,” she spread her arms out wide in defeat, ”I gotta go, I - ”

She grabbed her coat and began to run out of the coffee shop. Never before had she felt this anxious about anything. This was new, confusing and terrifying and in that moment running away from her friends felt like the best way to escape it.

”Rach! Rachel, come on!” she heard her friends yelling after her. She hurried back up into the apartment where she was alone, where she could breathe. 

Of course, it didn’t take long for Monica to find her; it was their apartment after all. Rachel stood on the balcony and watched over the city, her heart thumping like crazy inside her chest. Monica approached her slowly in order not to startle her.

”Hi.” she said quietly. 

”Hi Mon.” Rachel answered without looking at her best friend. She felt their arms touch as Monica slid next to her and rested her hands on the railing. 

”Do you wanna talk about what happened down there?” Monica asked. Rachel sighed.

”I don’t know if there’s anything to talk about,” she said, ”I have no idea what that was. I feel strange and kinda scared.”

”Of what? Rachel, I’m worried about you. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Rachel took a deep breath, ”Okay, um, I’ve been thinking about this for a while but I’ve been too scared to talk to anyone about it, but... I think I’m a lesbian.” 

Rachel felt like her legs would give up under her. Monica was quiet and Rachel was unsure if that was a good thing or not. 

Suddenly Monica pulled Rachel into a tight hug. Rachel instantly felt tears in her eyes. She grasped Monica’s shirt as if her life depended on it.

”Honey, did you think - did you think that we would not be accepting?” Monica asked. 

”No, I just - this is all so new and frightening!” Rachel snuffled. Monica brushed a hand through her hair.

”Listen, I’m always here for you, just like I told you. Whatever you need. I love you so much.”

Rachel pulled back from the hug and stared at her best friend for a short moment. Then she cupped Monica’s face and kissed her. 

Rachel realized instantly what had happened. She backed up from Monica with a little yelp and put a hand on her lips. Monica stood in front of her in shock.

”Monica,” Rachel breathed, ”I’m so sorry, I - ”

Monica rushed back inside the apartment. Rachel hurried after her.

”Mon! Monica, I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me!” 

Monica ran into her bedroom and locked the door behind her. Rachel’s heart sunk and she plopped down on the living room couch. She felt so stupid. Why did she do that? Did she have no self control? How could she have kissed her best friend - her ~~beautiful~~ , ~~soft~~ , _straight_ best friend?

 

* * *

 

A week passed and Rachel and Monica didn't utter a single word to each other. Monica was the only one who knew about Rachel's sexuality because the latter wanted it to remain that way for now and Monica, despite her feelings of shock and confusion, didn't want to hurt her best friend by outing her.

Two weeks passed and Monica asked Rachel if she wanted anything when she was ordering a pizza. Rachel jumped a little when she noticed that Monica was actually speaking to her, and better yet, smiling a little. She ordered a margherita.

Three weeks passed and the two women were on speaking terms again. Not a word about the kiss was ever mentioned between them, which had Rachel feeling both relieved and upset. Monica was clearly trying to act as if nothing had happened between them - or at least on Rachel's side. 

A month passed and it was like nothing had happened. Chandler, Joey, Ross and Phoebe knew nothing about the scene between Rachel and Monica. Rachel had not forgotten about that moment for a second, because the more she thought about it the more right it felt.

In the moment it had been terrifying for both of them, but Rachel couldn’t help but think how good it would feel to kiss Monica again. She was unsure of Monica’s feelings about the situation or her, but the fact that they spoke daily and could live in their apartment without that much tension made Rachel happy. 

One day Monica came back from work and entered the apartment while Rachel was alone. The latter could feel a shift in the air. Something was different.

"Rach?" Monica called, "Can we talk?"

Rachel froze and set down her magazine, "Sure, honey, what's up?"

Monica rounded the couch and sat down next to Rachel. She took a little breath as an attempt to calm herself.

"I talked to Pete today."

"Oh."

"I know that he really, really cares about me," Monica kept going, "And he's sweet and so great and he wants to give me everything, but… I still don't feel attracted to him. I never understood why."

Monica paused unsurely.

"But now I do."

Rachel frowned, "Monica, are you okay? What's going on?"

"I'm fine, Rachel. In fact, you're the one who's helped me figure out my mind." Monica smiled a little. She took Rachel's hand, unknowingly sending the other woman's pulse racing through the roof.

"I'm a lesbian too."

There was a deafening silence between them. All Rachel could do was stare into Monica's eyes. Her body was pumping adrenaline through her veins. Neither of them knew what would happen next.

"You - you're a lesbian too."

"Correct."

"And that's why you don't feel attracted to Pete."

"Exactly."

Rachel stood up abruptly, tearing her hand from Monica's, "Okay, so what happens now? You're a lesbian, I'm a lesbian, we're both _really really gay_ , we even kissed, but - but it seems that _you're_ never gonna be ready to talk about it!" 

Monica leapt after her best friend, "No, Rachel, wait! I was scared, okay? I never meant to upset you by running away, I just didn't know how to react! I mean - my best friend came out to me and then kissed me out of the blue! I panicked!"

Rachel scoffed. Monica approached her again.

"Look, I'm sorry that we haven't talked about this earlier. I didn't realize it then, but you kissing me was the best thing that could've happened to me."

Rachel felt like her jaw would drop on the floor, "What?"

"I'm crazy about you, Rach. I know that now."

Rachel didn't understand why she wasn't running into Monica's arms and kissing her again on that very second. Her secret dream was coming true. Monica was confessing her feelings for Rachel, and yet her feet were glued on the floor. She couldn't bring herself to move, to talk, to do anything. 

Luckily she didn't have to. 

Monica closed the distance between them and kissed Rachel. This time it was a real kiss, with true, confident emotion. They were both sure about what they were doing. Slowly Rachel raised her hands onto Monica's back and kissed her back more fervently. Somewhere deep inside her mind she was still in disbelief that she was holding this woman in her arms. Nothing had ever felt as right as kissing Monica. No one compared; not Paolo, not Joshua, certainly not _Ross_ - 

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed and pulled back suddenly, "Ross!"

"What about him?" Monica asked worriedly.

"What are we - I mean - how are we gonna tell him?" 

"About…?"

"About us."

Monica's eyes lit up as if there were a billion stars in them, "There's an 'us'?"

Rachel kissed her again. It was short and sweet, but they both knew it was the best one yet. She smiled. There was a sense of certainty in her heart.

"There's _definitely_ an 'us'."

Monica smirked and offered her arm for Rachel, "Well then, as your official girlfriend, would you allow me to escort you down to Central Perk for some coffee?"

Rachel looped her arm with Monica's, "As your official girlfriend, yes I would." 


	2. the one where they tell phoebe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how short this chapter is but to be honest this fic was never intended to be very long. I hope you enjoy nonetheless because I’m having a great time writing this!

After dating in secret for a while, Monica and Rachel knew that it was time for them to start telling their loved ones about their relationship. Lying wasn't fair to any of them and Monica and Rachel were serious about each other. As nervous as they were, their friends still deserved to know the truth. The women would start with the third of their set of musketeers, the one they were closest with; Phoebe.

They had invited Phoebe over for dinner, saying that they wanted to spend a girls' night together. It was not exactly a lie; they did want to spend more time with Phoebe and just the three of them. More so it was an excellent moment to come clean to Phoebe about their relationship.

Monica was pacing around the kitchen nervously as she and Rachel waited for Phoebe's arrival. Rachel, of course, instantly took notice of her girlfriend's behaviour and went to put her arms around her.

"You seem nervous."

"Psh, what? I'm not nervous!"

Rachel gave her a knowing look. Monica caved in without a second's hesitation. 

"Okay, I'm terrified. There, I said it!"

"Monica, listen to me," Rachel brushed some hair behind Monica's ear and smiled softly, "Phoebe is one of our best friends. If anyone is understanding and supportive, it's her. I'm pretty sure she's called us both lesbians in the past."

Monica chuckled, knowing that what Rachel was saying was true, "Yeah, you're right. Phoebe's great, I don't know why I'm so nervous."

Rachel kissed her quickly, "There you go. Better?"

"Yeah. Thanks babe."

Just then there was a knock on the door; something they weren’t so used to since their friends always walked in unannounced. Rachel took a quick breath to reassure herself and swung the door open. Phoebe was standing there, beautiful and radiant as always. 

”Hey ladies!” she exclaimed and held up a bottle of wine. The thought of enjoying it with her favorite girls made Monica smile. 

”Hey Phoebe!” Rachel exclaimed, "Come in."

Phoebe took off her jacket and placed the wine bottle on the table. Monica grabbed a few wine glasses while Phoebe and Rachel sat down on the couch. Rachel and Monica both knew that Phoebe was not stupid; she would instantly sense the tense atmosphere. 

"What's going on here?" Phoebe asked quickly, "You're both so tense."

Rachel sighed, "We, um - we want to talk to you about something." 

Monica sat down next to the other two ladies and set the wine glasses on the table. She had a second's eye contact with Rachel, who was silently reassuring her that everything would be okay. 

"Wow, you sound serious. What's up?" 

"Okay, Pheebs, what we're about to tell you might come as a surprise to you, or then it might not, I don't know, but we're telling you first because you mean the world to us. We love you."

Phoebe took Monica and Rachel's hands, "I love you too, now _please_ tell me what's going on."

Monica took a deep, shaky breath, "Alright. I'm a lesbian."

"I'm a lesbian too," Rachel added, causing Phoebe's gaze to shift rapidly between the two, "And we're dating."

"As in - "

"As in girlfriend and girlfriend, yeah."

They sat there without uttering a word. Suddenly the wine didn't seem so appetizing to Rachel and Monica. Phoebe looked like she was processing the thought for a short amount of time and then she smiled a little.

"Okay."

Monica raised a brow, "Okay? That's it?"

Phoebe nodded, "Yeah, I mean - did you expect me to make a scene?"

Rachel blushed, "Kinda. I don't know."

Phoebe stood up from the couch and faced her friends properly. Only now she saw how well they complemented each other; not only as friends but lovers too. She grinned wider. 

"I'm not gonna make a scene because I don't see anything to make a scene about. Two of my friends fell in love with each other and I think it's beautiful. I'm always going to support you in any way I can."

Monica and Rachel teared up. They leapt up from their places and hugged Phoebe tightly, feeling eternally grateful for her acceptance and understanding. 

”Alright, now you have to tell me everything!” Phoebe squealed as they pulled back from their hug. Rachel smiled at Monica.

”Well, I think I was the one who started everything...”


End file.
